Stuck in a Furrow

I hated practicing piano when I was younger. Most of my practice sessions ended in me crying and my mom yelling at me from the kitchen. I was a stubborn child but I just didn't understand why my fingers HAD to be in a certain place or why I couldn't hold that rest for just a split second longer. Why did it matter if I wanted to change the timing? I was making the music and in order to be fully creative, I should have been able to play it however I wanted. I resist what I know is right, call it human nature.

I have been learning about timing recently.

I'm not going to lie ( I know, I know, that is a change for me!) but I sometimes think that God's timing in my life sucks. And not just a little. I think there is a whole world of sucking sometimes. Like March 1. Not only was I diagnosed diabetic, but also had some other news that would alter my life. And Corey died. In regards to relationships and their demise, there is also a lot of why's and why nows? God's timing is impecable when it comes to ripping the bandage off and letting the wound bleed freely again. It has healed now but to find out that B is going to MY country, the one place that my heart lives...what a bitter blow. And I can't help but question it.

Sometimes His timing is just what I need. And I find that when I stop looking for the grand things in life, expecting to be blown away and rescued time and time again, He has provided me with small things to earn my trust and prove that He knows best. I have received many a well-timed email in the past few days, a great conversation here and there and little things that make me smile and melt my heart.

Like yesterday at small group and the addition of Tina.

I will continue to fight the urge to change the timing, to make it my own. I will end up crying at the piano and smashing my hands against the keys over and over when I can't seem to figure it out. I will be stubborn when I hear Him coaching me from the sidelines.

But I will eventually learn.